My little adventure...

Okay so my adventure actually wasn't so little. On February 3rd, 2013 I was admitted to the University Neuropsychiatric Institute, at 11:00 pm, at the University of Utah. My life changed forever from that day on.

Sorry that was very direct, but there really is no way to sugar coat where I've been without lying. Now I am not going to go into details but I am going to talk some about why I was in there, what it was like, and how it has changed me and my life.

The Friday night before that fateful Monday when I was admitted, was one that I will never forget, it was the night that I broke down and nearly ended my life, basically one of the worst nights of my life. No specific thing happened that day I just broke, I am still not sure why but I suddenly decided that I had to go through with my plans, so I wrote my note, and texted a friend. That friend didn't do much, but she saved my life.  Fast forward to Monday, I get home, and do homework until my mom gets home. She comes home and I immediately tell her that I have to talk to her, I give her my note and we talk for a while, a few hours later, I drove down with my sister, mom, and dad to the hospital. I was admitted for suicidal tendencies, depression, and generalized/social anxiety.

That was the longest night of my life.

While in the hospital I went to six group therapies a day, I slept a lot, I read a lot, and I met some of the most interesting people that I will ever meet. I will talk more about those people in my next post. None of the patients were allowed to touch each other, share personal information (besides their first name), or be alone together, unless roommates, even then they still had a camera in their room. I was discharged two weeks after my first admission. I got home, self harmed, and returned to the hospital two days later, after I was discharged.

The second time I was put on a thing called insight, where I basically wrote papers all day. I was on it for a week, a week of hell might I add, and I got off for three days until I was discharged again. I went to a place called Teenscope, which was my school until I came back to treasure. We did group therapy and schoolwork there, it was basically the same as being on inpatient but I got to go back home after. Fast forward two weeks to my third admission. I self harmed yet again, very badly. I was sent back to inpatient for five days until I was once again discharged. I continued going to school there until very recently when I started coming back to Treasure.

Here's an inspiring quote for y'all
Photo cred: 50 Mental Health Quotes

The past couple of months have been the hardest of my life, I would never wish for anyone else to have to go through it. But I am such a stronger person, I have changed drastically, and I have met some people who I will remember for the rest of my life. Although I wish that I never had to get admitted there in the first place, it changed me. It helped me to begin to learn how to see through my depression and anxiety, I am still struggling with both of them, but now everything seems slightly more manageable. I would never give up these past two months for anything in the world.